General Name: Rob Sex: Male Age: 45 Birthday: August 11th Sign: n/a Marital Status: Widowed Ethnicity: Middle Eastern Employment: Retired Education: Junior High School Student Appearance Height: 4 ft. 3 in. Body Type: Large Hair Color: Pink Eye Color: Black Tattoos: Lots Piercings: Facial (tongue, eyebrow, labret, etc.), Body (navel, nipples), Genital, Extreme (deep tissue, etc.) Preferences Sexual Orientation: n/a Drinks: No Smokes: No Religious: Very

Location Country: Tajikistan City: Springfield Contact Click here to message Participation Signed Up: 2003/08/06 10:31 AM Last On: 2026/08/10 05:25 PM Saluted: No Premium Member: No Forum Posts: 24,390 (2.90 average per day) Here For Roommates

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

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